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Building Confidence, Not Arrogance in Your Daughter: Parents’ Guide

by Nongirly
mother that helped building confidence in her girl

No one likes a cocky person. But people gravitate toward a confident person. What’s the difference? Seems like a fine line! Cocky people have the tendency to believe that they are better than everyone else, which pushes others away and makes them less interested in spending time with that person. Cocky people also may be putting up a front but in reality, they are insecure and have low self-esteem. On the other hand, confident people are sure in who they are and what they believe in, can build honest relationships, and have a healthy self-esteem. You definitely want to guide your daughter to be the latter of these two options! But how is that done? Read below on how to help your daughter gain confidence, not cockiness. 

Let Her Make Mistakes

People get cocky when they don’t fail. They think they are invincible and unable to do wrong. We all know someone like this (and we know we don’t like them)! Instead of working to prevent your daughter from ever failing, let her make mistakes. (Yes, we know this is easier said than done to let your child fail!) For example, if she tries out for a part in a school play and does not get the part, show her that it is okay. Have her reflect on her skills, think about what she could have improved on, but still encourage her to try again and recognize her strengths overall. Failing will simultaneously make her stronger, keep her humble, and teach her how to pick herself back up again. This combination of things will help her build her confidence if she knows she can make it through mistakes and failures.

Value Her, But Don’t Put Her on a Pedestal

A study conducted by university researchers in 2015 found that child narcissism is increased when parents overvalue their kid and the kid internalizes those beliefs. For example, if you repeatedly tell your daughter, “You are better than the other girls out there!” she will think, “Heck yeah, I am better than the other girls!” leading to a level of narcissism and cockiness that is not healthy for her. This will also lead her to feel entitled to things in her life, and nobody likes a person who walks around thinking they automatically deserve everything in life! Instead, value her for her gifts, smarts, and strengths, but do not compare her to other girls her age. Value her for herself just as she is and allow her to have a realistic, instead of inflated, view of her skills and abilities. Helping her to stay humble will be an important life skill for her to learn.

Be a Role Model

Your daughter can only be what she sees! And if she sees you as a confident, strong, caring, and empathetic parent, she will model those behaviors. If she sees you being humble, being kind to others, and treating people with kindness, she will do the same and recognize that is how to operate in the world. She will realize that being humble is more important than being the best or being cocky. Teach her to do good and be good – to herself and to others! It will help build her confidence while remaining humble.

At Nongirly, we believe in helping our nontraditional daughters build their confidence while treating people with kindness. Our blogs include great articles on how to be more empathetic, how to learn to apologize, and more to help your daughter learn how to always stay humble and be confident at the same time. Our parenting blog can also provide you with tips and advice on building confidence in your unique daughter. Help your daughter rock her confidence! 

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